Life through the eyes of a Quaker parrot.

This is an original parrot diary translated from Quaker into English. It is a very rare and unique opportunity to discover what life looks like from the other side of the bars. Here you will find all the answers. A typical parrot leading a typical life in a typical human family... Or not? Meet Basil, a Quaker Parrot, who has a lot to say about her life with Mom, Dad, the Kid, and a few parakeets.

Latest

Aside

Tuesday

I spend my days watching and stalking the crazed budgies. Stephie is in a spring mood, trying to squeeze herself in any possible holes and openings around the apartment. Manuel assists her loyally, chasing Puffy away. Even Mom is losing her nerves, when the budgies fly over her head back and forth like crazy, and create so much wind that she has to cover herself with a blanket!

Stupid stinky budgies, no matter how much I try, I cannot catch them. On Sunday, Mom and Dad watched me follow the budgies around the room, and laughed like crazy! They say it’s a comedy show… Stephie has become aggressive and started attacking me from the air. Of course, I have gotten in a weird mood too, sitting in my cage and trying to weave bamboo skewers through the bars. It never works, but I don’t stop trying. And you should see me, when the Kid changes my water and food dishes! I yell at her so much, they can probably hear me in the whole neighborhood!

Spring is weird like that. Oh and, by the way, happy Earth Day! And what about you? Have any of you become super crazy for spring?

Saturday

I am so stressed. My nerves are shut. Mom and Dad got new bookshelves. And Dad has been assembling them for hours. Using some awful tools like vicious measuring tape, deadly drill, horrifying level, and wicked screwdrivers! My life is in danger!!! All these tools are out to get me! They conspire to take my last breath away from my birdie beak!

I tried telling Dad nicely by screeching and yelling and flapping my wings in panic. The Kid took mercy on me, took me out of the room, and tried to calm me down.

I DO NOT want to be away!!! I MUST watch what goes on! I cannot stand not knowing what Dad is up to!!! It is MY living room after all!!!

I won’t rest until this nonsense has stopped!!! SQUAWK!!!

Sunday

What a mess! What a disarray!

Mom took the playground to be washed in the bathroom. A complete chaos set in. The budgies totally lost it. They’re flying around in utter disorientation. They’re landing all over the place. They seem completely lost. 

Never mind we have like a million landing spots around the room – wall perches, ceiling swings, cages, window sill, you name it. Once the playground goes missing, budgies are at a complete loss. And they keep flying back to the table where the playground  always stands on, as if to check if it has reappeared already. Or like they simply cannot believe it’s actually really gone. Their world seizes to make sense anymore. They land on the table or the windowsill and discuss the problem noisily. Then start flapping around chaotically again. 

I can’t cope! I yell at them. I flutter my wings and scream, but do they care???

Mom cannot walk around the room safely anymore, with them budgies flapping back and forth and all around, chirping like crazy, swirling, circling, and just running amok.  THEY ARE A HAZARD!!!

I am puzzled that they even remember there once was a playground in the first place. With practically non-existent attention spans they have, any carry-over is highly surprising.

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PARROT IS HUNGRY!!!

PARROT IS HUNGRY!!!

Sunday

I’m noticing that I have been very slow updating my blog recently. It’s just that I have so much to do. I am super busy with my Facebook page – Basil – The Fabulous Grumpy Quaker. And chasing after the budgies. And all the other stuff a parrot’s gotta do. Like today, for example. Every time I see Dad sit on the couch, I immediately fly over. Why? Well… It’s fun to bug him. I chew on his shirt. I pluck his little facial hair. I bite his ears. I go under the blanket with him, and nip him here and there… You know, the regular stuff. He gets annoyed, and gets up to put me back on my cage. Before he manages to sit back on the couch, I fly over and wait for him there already. He never notices, until he sits down and I step onto his chest clucking like a chicken. By then he is too lazy to get up again. So I get to nip, and peck, and bite, and torture him again. And, often, poop on him too. He gets mad, picks me up, carries me to the cage… and before he sits down again, I am already waiting for him. All happy and full of enthusiasm… And so our weekend evenings go.

As you can see, a parrot’s work is never done…

Sunday

It was a tough week. Everybody was home all the time. Keeping track of bugging everyone was exhausting. Usually, it’s just Mom that I have to walk over, bite, nip, snip, make holes in her clothes, hijack her food, poop in her coffee, squawk in her ear, and demand that she pets me when she’s busy. It’s easy when a parrot only has one victim. But this week there were three of them all the time!!! I had to make sure they all experienced the pleasure of my company, so from early morning I took turns in occupying each one of them… Nipping, snipping, biting, squawking, chewing, pooping, you know… the whole nine yards… Busy work, I tell ya… busy work! And I don’t even get paid!

Then, some days they would go out for the whole day!!! And leave me in the bedroom by myself… because, apparently, I am too much of a danger to the budgies… BIG DEAL!!! So I snipped Stephie a few times… So I swung Manuel by the tail occasionally… So I pulled a few feathers out of Puffy… Budgies are like weeds. They regenerate very quickly. No harm done. Well, the Family don’t think so. I ended up in a lock up a few times. And in solitary confinement in the bedroom, while budgies took reign of the whole living room!!!

And, the humans got to have all these foods that, they say, are not good for the parrot!!! All I could do is watch them devour all these delicacies… Mom would put some lettuce, spinach or other “healthy” foods in our bowls, while they pigged out on pastries, french fries and sweets.

Holidays are a stressful time!

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Post-Thanksgiving sentiment:

Post-Thanksgiving sentiment:

Aside

Friday

I love flying over to the table when the Family eat breakfast and dinner, and steal whatever food I can. Mom gets annoyed when I walk all across her plate to get a nice juicy piece all the way from the other side of the plate. She tells me to keep my dirty feet off her plate. How dare she say that about my cute birdie feet?

She has been putting the same food in a special dish every night, and putting it on top of my cage for me. Of course I refuse to eat it! I will not even look in the direction of the dish. I walk right by it, fly over to the table, and step right into Mom’s plate. Mom tried to convince me that it’s the same food… And that I should stick to my dish. Yeah right! Then how come she doesn’t eat from MY dish?!?

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Parrot’s losing her mind…

Parrot's losing her mind...

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Pesky budgie

Pesky budgie

Tuesday

I spend my days trying to keep order among the pesky budgies. They are way too happy and perky for my taste. They flap around, chirp and screech, kiss each other and everything around them, and squabble a lot. Whenever I see them enjoy themselves too much, I fly over and remind them who rules around here. They fly away screeching…

Unfortunately, budgies have not been blessed with good memory. Quite the opposite, in fact. Their attention spans are virtually non-existent. So, in about 5 seconds, they forget all about the pain, the humiliation, the pulled out feathers, and twisted tails. They fly back over and start chirping annoyingly again.

I cannot even begin to express how hard my life is…

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Her Majesty, the Parrot!

Her Majesty, the Parrot!

I let Mom pet me a little this morning.

It makes her so happy to be able to scratch my head. So I do let her do it once in a while. She gets all excited about the cuddling… Sometimes too excited… she gets carried away. She starts kissing and smooching me, hugs me, and talks in this ridiculous squeaky voice… That’s when I gotta put a stop to it. A firm pinch usually helps. Sometimes I must bite her vigorously so she gets the drift.

Humans can be a bit dense, you know…

Friday

Yesterday the Family had guests over. A couple with two kids came.  

At first, they all loved me. Kept watching me with delight. Ooohed and aaahed. Smiled at me and said how fascinating it was to have a bird in the apartment. The smiles looked rather fake, but hey, not everybody gets birds, right?

They were rather noisy, they talked and laughed all evening. Of course I joined in the noise. I decided to show them my best, so I yelled and screamed and squawked with all my might. And, the louder I got, the louder the budgies screeched. It was like a contest!

I noticed the guests get annoyed. They started giving me strange looks. They kept saying how interesting it was to see a bird loose in the apartment. But I could see less and less appreciation and more and more annoyance. In the end, they just started peeking at me with torment in their eyes. Mom didn’t even notice. She is used to my concerts. Dad told me to shut up a few times, but who would listen to him…

Eventually, the man said – I thought having birds would be relaxing but this… And he just rolled his eyes.

 

Then they got up and said they had to go. The headache was getting too strong, they said. The man even suggested he was gonna bring his two cats over the next time they come.  Mom said I would probably eat those cats. I love you Mom!

 

Now I got the house back to myself again! And Mom and Dad paying attention to me not to some stupid guests!

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Wednesday

Wednesday

I get no privacy around here. Mom watching and snapping photos everywhere… in the shower, when I eat, when I sleep… I cannot take it anymore!

Thursday

When Mom works on the computer I like to join her on her left shoulder and arm. I sit a little, walk around a little, pinch her here and there, make a couple of holes in her blouse, walk all over the keyboard, bite Mom’s fingers, steal and shred a tissue or two, let Mom scratch my head and neck, squawk loudly in her ear, and generally make her very happy by keeping her company. Mom loves it!

But then, sometimes, the Kid comes over… I quickly walk over to Mom’s right shoulder to take the spot where the Kid is about to cuddle with Mom. I start hissing to scare the Kid away. She starts whining. Mom tries to get me to step up to her finger, but I refuse to move and bite the Kid. The Kid starts whining even louder. Mom picks me up against my will, carries me back to her left shoulder, and then lets the Kid cuddle to her right side. I reluctantly sit on Mom’s left shoulder again, but do whatever I can to get rid of the Kid. I hiss, and walk over to her side, and pull her hair, and bite her whenever I can. The Kid whines and yells at me, Mom yells at the Kid for yelling at me, then attempts to put me back to the left, but I refuse to move and bite her, Mom gets mad, the Kid gets mad… It all ends in a big mess. All I wanted is to have Mom to myself… is that too much to ask?

Stupid Kid!!!

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